Kent Hovind, who calls himself “Dr. Dino,” is in trouble with the IRS again. First it was bankruptcy, then he sued the IRS three times and had all three of his lawsuits thrown out. Now, the IRS is after him on 58 counts of tax evasion. Almost $500,000 in taxes owed to them, from the $5,000,000 he took in for his “ministry.”

Hovind, however, contests the charges, saying that “he and his employees work for God, are paid by God and therefore aren’t subject to taxation.” Originally, he claimed that he was ignorant of tax laws and had no idea he was doing anything wrong. “I still don’t understand what I’m being charged for and who is charging me.”

That’s two counts of bullshit.

“Dr.” Kent Hovind, creeationist extraordinaire (and degree-mill attendee), has been causing quite an insane firestorm the past few years. While he goes around lecturing on how evolution is false, saying such inane false things as “There have been human skeletons found in so called Cambrian rock,” he’s been building a creationist theme park called “Dinosaur Adventure Land” - where the minds of kids go to die. Not only was it built without apermit and against zoming laws, now it seems Hovind hasn’t been paying taxes on the money taken in, paid to employees, etc. His wife, Jo, who’s also on trial, was helping him cook the books.

These are some of the charges levvied against him, and how much an ignoramus it reveals Hovind to be. First, we have the fact that about $430,000 was withdrawn in cash during 2001 and 2002, all of which was under the $10,000-mark where the IRS mandates notifying them about it. That’s 44 counts of evading bank-reporting requirements. Coincidentally just under the $10,000 amount? Seems like he was well aware of the tax laws. His ignorance plea is on shaky ground.
Seminole attorney David Charles Gibbs revealed that Hovind was well aware of the tzx laws and thought that he had beaten them.

Gibbs said Hovind tried to persuade him he had no obligation to pay employee income taxes and explained with “a great deal of bravado” how he had “beat the tax system.”

Gibbs said Hovind also told him he preferred to deal in cash and that when you are “dealing with cash there is not way to trace it, so it wasn’t taxable.”

Kent Hovind disputed the government’s right to tax him and likened his ministry’s powers to that of a foreign embassy.

Rrrriiight. The sovereign nation of Dinosaur Adventure Land. That means that he and his visitors might need passports, ambassadors, a seat at the U.N., (not to mention being part of the security council rotation, an account at major banks for his country’s international transactions… which is all of them. He would have to have customs inspect his outgoing mail, as well as his bag lunches as he leaves the United States (the street) and enters the park. How is he driving on our roads legally? He would have to file for dual citizenship, either that or revoke his U.S. Citizenship. You know, that cumbersome status that guarantees that you have a right to a fair trial, get protected by fire trucks, police, etc. Actually, he’s have to manage his own protections, courts, water, trash, money, you name it.

This is all if he had his own country, which he doesn’t. Hovind seems to believe that if you are religious enough, you can be exempted from every responsibility that citizens of the nations of this world carry.

He did pay his employees missionaries, though. With hourly wages, hours and sick leave carefully tracked, they were fully compensated for their work. Errr, their “gift” of labor was rewarded with “gifts” or “love offerings” that depended entirely on how many hours they worked. I’ll pass on the “love offerings” please. Just mail me my check. Yes, Hovind believed that if you paid in cash, and gave them euphemistic names, the IRS couldn’t touch him. Course, the IRS nabbed all their detailed records back in 2004… cataloguing every love offering and every time the hourly-paid-gifted “missionaries” got sick and had to stay home in the foreign country known regionally as the United States.

Various religious figures are denouncing Hovind for using religion to try to argue to evade taxes, saying that the scriptures do not support tax evasion. But in their rush to distance themselves from Hovind, they maybe missing the most powerful argument for gOD yet discovered:

The Argument From Payroll

Recall that Kent Hovind has maintained since he was arrested in July that “he and his employees work for God, are paid by God and therefore aren’t subject to taxation.” Read that? They “are paid by God.” Any testable, definitive evidence of God’s contact with the world is would be a miracle. Such as miracle would prove that God exists. However, Hovind claims that cash can’t be traced, when it can. So here is the strong argument from payroll:
1. In order to be on someone’s payroll, that individual must exist.

2. Therefore, if you receive money from someone, they must exist, or must have (in the case of inheritance) existed.

3. If Kent Hovind has received money from God,

4. Then therefore God exists.

So all they need to do is type in the serial numbers of every bill that slipped through Kent and Jo Bovine’s greasy hands into Where’s George, and find out where the money came from. If it came from gOD, the website will show this and demonstrate that he exists. Hallelujah! If, on the other hand, all the money came from human beings, then he’s just a nut. Finally a psychology experiment we can all agree on the methodology!
Alternatively, the weak argument from Payroll:

1. Any conclusive demonstration of a miracle would demonstrate God’s existence.

2. An idiot like Kent Hovind getting millions of dollars must be a miracle.

3. Therefore, God exists.

The one flaw with this final one is that it makes God wicked. Yikes! Well, I guess you gotta follow the evidence where it leads.

Finally, what should happen to Hovind? Fines? Yes. Jail? Certainly. Sell off his phony baloney property that according to his own words, he doesn’t even own? Maybe. how about since he has declared that democracy is evil and that he’s not a citizen of this country, how about we revoke his citizenship and send him somewhere with a government closer to what he’d prefer? Hell yes.

Thank you for reading Monday Madness.

Spread this Inoculation: