PZ Myers and Phil Plait are duking it out over the 2006 weblog awards for the science category, and they are staining the PHP pages of their blogs red with the blood of battle. All over the hearts and minds of their readers. And the sanctity of kittens. And the superiority of vertebrates and cephalopods. How did I vote?
An Epic battle, with two science bloggers with dedicated readerships, duking it out over who’s the blogging science guy of the year. One writes daily about spacecraft going into orbit and telescopes snapping pictures, and the other writes almost hourly about crazy loons like Deepak Chopra and creationists, while explaining scientific papers that come out, sealing the deal with weekly photos of cephalopods.

I’ve met Phil Plait, he lives just a short skip and a jump from here, and I’ve interviewed him on my show. Definitely a cool guy. He’s also written a popular book. Here’s a vote for Bad Astronomy.

But then, he started to insult squid. I like squid and cuttlefish. They are pretty, they are fascinating, and they are tasty. Let’s see what PZ has to say about this.

Phil is still playing the speciesist card, and now he wants to invoke the so-called superiority of bony internal skeletons. There’s nothing wrong with a good hydrostatic skeleton, you know, it’s one of those useful innovations that allows a soft tissue to extend and become rigid. I’m sure Phil’s lovers have all wished he had one. (Perhaps that’s the source of the telescope fixation over there, a little rigid tube envy).

…

Vote for Pharyngula (and remember, you can vote every day!). Unless you like flaccidity.

Smack-down. PZ reveals a psychological problem underpinning Phil’s blog content. PZ has brought us wonders such as Tentacle Sex part one and deux. We can vote once every day, so this time it’s a selection squarely in squid corner.

Then, all of a sudden, Phil plays on our emotional side.

If you vote for PZ at Pharyngula, this will happen:

image of the eventual evolution of cats into cephalopods

Won’t someone please think of the kittens?

Awwww… a fuzzy tentacle-mouthed kitty cat! Backfire. One commenter points out:

Evolving Squid Says:
December 10th, 2006 at 10:33 pm I’m not seeing a downside to tentacled cats. I’ll even vote for BA just for that picture.

The response? At first, PZ tried to pass it off as a concession, and that the kitten was an offering. This could have swayed me to put in another vote for Pharyngula, but instead, I thought that the evolution multi-blog The Panda’s Thumb could use my vote.

Then, PZ got his tentacles untangled. Turns out he was thinking of the kittens. Cute, fuzzy, tasty kittens. And Kraken.

I was going to say, “Because if you don’t vote for me, I’m feeding the kittens to the Kraken,” but then I realized that the kind of people who’d vote for me would probably want me to feed the kittens to the Kraken. And then I realized it didn’t matter how anyone voted, because I was going to feed the kittens to the Kraken anyway. So what the heck. Kittens. Kraken. Kraken Chow. That’s the way it is. As the kittens must accept their fate, so must Phil.

Vote for Pharyngula (and remember, you can vote every day!). Because the kittens won’t be spared whether you do or don’t.

Hilarious. Another vote for PZ and his Kraken’s apetite for kittens.

The next day, PZ started to pull way ahead, on the order of 500-600 votes. A skillful use of kitten imagery - he was right, his readers wanted him to feed them to Kraken.

But Phil had another post up his sleeve. Now down by a significant number of votes, he said that it really isn’t about him. It’s about everything good and decent in the world that’s worth fighting for. Getting a mention on his blog.

It’s not that I want to win, really, so much that that we must stop the tentacled and literally spineless horde from winning.

And to that matter, I have a cunning plan that cannot fail.

If you have a blog, post an entry telling people to vote for me. Then come back to this entry and leave a comment with a link to your entry. On Friday, the last day of the voting, I will post the list of people who supported me with the links to their blog or site.

I also know I have the most honest, wonderful, and — let’s face it — best-looking readers in the observable Universe (and that includes the depths of the ocean), so I know you’ll help out in this time of need.

Well, who can resist that? Phil, I voted for you, twice. Only problem is that I voted for PZ, twice. And the Panda’s Thumb, once. Does that count? If not I could always defect to the side of our squid overlords. They do have prettier banners. PZ fired back, saying,

Consider the flip side of that comment, though: he has also called you readers and supporters of Pharyngula dishonest, horrible, and ugly. How can you vote for someone who abuses you all so? Don’t you want to see him crushed?

Another factor is that he seems to be mobilizing his minions, asking them to display a truly hideous banner and urging their readers to vote for his blog. Well, two can play that game. Here are some tasteful banners/badges featuring Iridoteuthis or Wonderpus you can put on your blog if you voted for Pharyngula: use them freely, and tell all your friends to join in.

Phil:

That is a ridiculous distortion of reality. In truth, many people here read my blog as well.

And I’m one of them. I’ve been called spineless, and been implied as ugly and dishonest. The positive side is that I’ve been called spine-ful and honest and attractive. I read both blogs whenever I can, which is usually every day, and I have two or three votes left to cast. The crossover readers could very well decide this. As of now, the count is:

  • Pharyngula: 3957
  • Bad Astronomy: 3666

How will it end, by the tentacle or the telescope? Both would suffice. Stay tuned for the thrilling conclusion.